Teddy Remus Lupin Drabbles
by Harrypotterlover56
Summary: "I have a question." Teddy asked. "How come girls take so long in the bathroom?" This is a story of drabbles about Teddy. I do not own anything! R
1. The Question

**Alright so this isn't going to be a story fic. It is going to be drabbles about Teddy Remus Lupin. I won't update this like it is a real story. It is just a place where I am going to put all my one-shot stories about Teddy for now on. I will update this when I get an idea for a story about Teddy. They happen to pop in my head from time to time. **

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Title: The Question Rated: T

"Hey Grandma!" A five year old Teddy yelled.

"Yes Teddy?" His grandma Andromeda asked.

"How come girls take so long to use the bathroom?" Teddy asked.

Andromeda stared at Teddy for a few seconds. Then asked.

"What brought on this question?"

"Well…"

**Flashback:**

_Teddy was walking around his godfather Harry's house. He was staying with Harry for the night because his Grandma was helping Angelina set up for her and Georges wedding.. He walked into the living room and saw Harry, Ron, George, and Neville sitting around the living room. They all had beer bottles next to them and they were singing._

"_Let's have some fun. This beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!" They all sang in off key voices._

"_Guys!" Teddy shouted over them. _

"_Yeah?" Harry asked noticing Teddy. _

"_What is a 'disco stick'?" _

"_Well Teddy. Its…its why don't you tell him Neville." Harry said._

"_Well the 'disco stick' is…Ron take it away." Neville said looking at Ron._

"_It—you know what," Ron said. "I believe George was just talking about it. George, why don't you tell him?"_

_George rolled his eyes at Ron and then turned to Teddy._

"_You know that thing that hangs between your legs that urine comes out of?" George asked and Teddy nodded and then looked confused._

"_What's urine?"_

"_The yellow liquid that comes out of the thing between your legs."_

"_You mean pee?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Why didn't you say so in the beginning"_

_George let out a sign. "So the thing in between your legs is a 'disco stick' or at least what the song is referring too. There are other names for it but your Grandma would kill me if I told you."_

"_Okay…why were you singing that you wanted to ride the 'disco stick'? Do people ride them?" Teddy asked._

_George looked at Teddy. The others were holding in laughs._

"_Well it depends. Most guys don't want to ride a 'disco stick' but some do. Mainly the only people who want to ride it are girls."_

_Harry's smile turned to a frown._

"_Girls want to ride the disco stick where pee comes out?" Teddy asked disgusted._

"_Well pee isn't the only thing that comes out of it." George said trying to figure out a way to explain this to a five year old with out going into much detail. "You know you should ask Ron. He knows all about this."_

_Teddy looked at Ron._

"_Well Teddy the other thing that comes out is um…is frosting. Yeah frosting." Ron said._

"_Frosting comes out of it?" Teddy said looking into his pants. "Really? Is it chocolate or vanilla? Or is it cream cheese frosting?"_

_Ron looked at Teddy upset. This was not what he wanted to happen when he mentioned frosting. _

"_Ron was lying. Frosting doesn't come out of your pe—'disco stick'." Neville said. "It is actually a liquid but it has these tiny things called—"_

"_Harry! Where are you?" Hermione's voice shouted from the kitchen. She walked into the living room._

_Harry who was glad yet unglad that Hermione walked in. He was glad that she stopped the drunken Neville for telling Teddy the facts of life yet he was unglad at the conversation she happened to walk in on was inappropriate for Teddy to heard and he would probably get yelled at. Teddy though didn't seem to mind Hermione entering the room. In fact he went to ask her a question._

"_Hermione, do you like riding a 'disco stick'?"_

_Hermione's face went bright red as she realized what Teddy asked. _

"_Aww Teddy Hermione has never rode a 'disco stick'." George said laughing._

"_Oh." Teddy said. "You can ride my if you like." This brought everyone but Ron and Hermione into a laughing fit. "I'm not sure why you would want to though. I mean the 'disco stick' only has a use to go pee and apparently you can pee frosting."_

_Hermione looked at Harry in a sharp way. _

"_Hermione," Teddy asked. "How come you take so long in the bathroom? All you have to do is unzip or pull down your pants take out the 'disco stick' and pee into the toilet. It should only take a few minutes yet you girls seem to take forever."_

"_Girls take so long Teddy because they don't have a 'disco stick'. They have a hole instead." George said._

"_A hole!" Teddy shouted his mouth in an O shape. "You have a hole? Can you see through it?"_

_Hermione blushed harder._

"_No you see Teddy, the hole leads to this pear—" Neville started but Teddy cut him off._

"_There is a pear in the hole?" Teddy shouted._

"_No the hole leads to a pear-like area—"_

"_Neville I don't think Teddy really wants to know this." Hermione said sternly._

"_No continue on Neville. Where is this pear-like area?" Teddy asked._

"_You know what Teddy." Harry said. "I believe your grandma knows the answer to these questions. Why don't you ask her?" _

"_I would but she is helping with the wedding."_

"_Change of plans," Hermione said. "Your grandma wasn't needed and she told me to go get you."_

"_Oh,"_

**Flashback Ends**

"And that's what brought on this question." Teddy said. "So why do girls take longer in the bathroom then males?"

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This popped into my head while using the bathroom this morning. I hope you like it! :)


	2. As Aunt Hermione Would Say

This story popped into my head this morning and was begging to be written. So here is the second drabble in this story.

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**Title: **As Aunt Hermione Would Say **Rated**: T **Pairing: **Slight Harry/Ginny

A six year old Teddy ran around in a circle excited. His godfather, Harry, was taking him to see Santa. There were so many things Teddy wanted to ask him. Teddy wanted a new bike without training wheels. He also wanted a puppy, a TV for his room (Harry added Muggle technology to his house.), an early entrance into Hogwarts, and much more. But there was one thing that Teddy really wanted but he wasn't going to tell anyone just yet. It was only for Santa's ears.

"Teddy it is time to go!" Harry yelled.

Teddy jumped up and down and shouted, "I'm coming!"

Teddy ran into the living room and saw Harry holding out his coat. He slipped into it and they walked outside. They had to get to the mall the muggle way since Santa was in a muggle mall. They got into Harry's car and drove towards the mall. Teddy was in the back moving with excitement. When they finally came to the mall Teddy jumped out of the car.

"Whoa hold up tiger." Harry said and grabbed Teddy's hand. "We wouldn't want you getting hit by a car."

"Of course not." Teddy said.

They walked into the mall. Teddy was looking around and started jumping when he saw the display.

"Santa is over there!" He yelled. "He is over there!"

His shouts made a few people look over at them. They smiled at the boy and his excitement. Teddy dragged Harry to the Santa display. He jumped when he saw Santa. His mood though changed when he saw how long the line was. They got to the back of the line. There was at least a dozen kids in front of them. Teddy took a deep breath and waited.

As time ticked by Teddy got bored. He started staring and listening to what the other kids asked for. A girl around his age wanted a doll. Another wanted a toy truck. Finally it was his turn to go up. Teddy walked over and sat on Santa's lap. Harry walked over to the elves and started talking to them.

"Hello boy," Santa said. "Have you been good this year?"

"Oh yes Santa I have." Teddy said. "Okay so there was this one time when I turned my godfather's hair green but only once and I did apologize. Of course the only reason I apologized was because my grandma looks really scary when she is mad but other then that I did nothing bad."

Santa let out a chuckle. "So what do you want this year?"

"Oh there are so many things." Teddy said. "But the one thing I really want is this. You see that black bushy hair man over there?" Teddy pointed at Harry. Santa nodded. "Well for Christmas I want him to as Aunt Hermione would say 'grow some balls and ask Ginny to marry him already'. Do you think you could do that?"

Harry had a huge coughing fit as he heard what Teddy said. So did all the other parents who heard him. Santa though laughed and said.

"I think I can do that."


	3. A Big Misunderstanding

**Okay so I have been updating this story a lot. I guess a lot of one-shots about Teddy keep popping in my head. Anyway here is the next one. **

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**Title: **A Big Misunderstanding **Rating: **T

"Be on the look out people. A serial killer rapist has escaped jail and is on the loose." The radio said.

A seven year old Teddy was drawing in the kitchen while Harry was making dinner. Harry put music on and the warning popped up. Teddy stopped drawing and looked alarmed.

"Harry what is a serial killer rapist?"

Harry looked at Teddy and said. "A serial killer rapist is a bad person who does bad things to other people."

"Like Voldemort?" Teddy asked.

"Yeah except they don't want to rule the world."

"Oh," Teddy looked at the time. "What would you say if you met a serial killer rapist?

"Just yell that you have General Herpes. That will have the person running." Harry said.

"Okay, can I go on a walk? I will be back before dinner."

"Sure." Harry said. "Just around the block though."

Teddy exited the house and started to walk around the block. As he was walking a hooded figure was walking behind him. Teddy stopped and looked down. There was a worm, a big worm. He went to pick it up when he notice the man in the black cloak. Teddy started to walk again keeping an eye on the hooded figure. He started walking faster and so did the man. Teddy started running but the hooded figure was faster and grabbed him. Teddy did the only thing he could think of.

"I have General Herpes!"

"You do?" A familiar voice responded letting him go.

Teddy turned around and saw that the person in the black cloak was Ron. He gave a sign of relief and then froze.

"I am not going to hurt you Teddy." Ron said noticing the look of fear on Teddy's face."

"That is what they all say isn't it? Before they hurt you. How dare you try to rape me…what does that mean anyway?" Teddy asked. "I don't want to know. It has got to be bad if a person was thrown in jail for it. I am going to tell Harry what you tried to do to me!"

Teddy started sprinting towards the house.

"Teddy! I am not going to hurt you! It is me Ron!" Ron yelled but Teddy was ignoring him.

Teddy ran into the house and into the kitchen. Harry, Hermione, and Ginny were sitting around the table. Harry opened his mouth to say something but Teddy cut him off.

"Ron tired to rape me!" Teddy yelled. "He is the serial killer rapist! He held a knife to my throat see!" Teddy said pointing to a scratch on his neck that a cat had given him a few hours ago. Who knew Harry's black cat Sirius didn't like being dressed up?

"Oh my—" Hermione said.

Ron ran into the room. He walked towards Teddy but Hermione got her wand out and pointed it at Ron.

"Don't come any closer." Hermione said. "You are under arrest and everything you say can and will be used against you."

"Guys this is a big misunderstanding. I was just playing a joke in sneaking up on Teddy I wasn't going to—"

"Silence! He tried to rape me and I want him arrested!" Teddy yelled.

"Come Ron you are coming with me." Harry said and with Ron he walked to the fire place and Flooed away.

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6 months later.

**RON WEASLEY FALSELY ACCUSED!**

**After six months of thinking that Mr. Ron Weasley was a serial killer rapist. We now know that this is untrue. Two days ago the real serial killer rapist was caught by none other then Teddy Remus Lupin. Mr. Lupin was walking with his godfather Harry Potter at a local park when he notice a strange man in a trench coat following a little girl. He told this to his godfather Harry Potter and they followed the man and the girl.**

**When the girl walked behind a tree the man went into action and so did Teddy Remus Lupin. He ran after the man and jumped on his back. Mr. Potter got out his wand and aimed a stunner at the man. The little girl was frighten but is okay and back with her family. **

**We caught up with Mr. Lupin and Mr. Potter and got a few words out of them. Mr. Lupin's comment on the capture was this, "I am so glad that the real person is going behind bars and I hope that my Uncle Ron Weasley gets out of prison after he was falsely accused by Hermione Granger. I had nothing and I repeat nothing to do with Ron Weasley being thrown in jail. It was all Hermione Granger and Harry Potter I repeat Hermione Granger and Harry Potter's doing. That is all." We also got a comment from Mr. Potter. He told us this, "I hope that once the real person is behind bars everything can be forgotten and I can't wait for Ron Weasley to get out of prison."**

**For more on this story head to page 8.**

Teddy paced back and fourth as he waited for Ron to come back to the Burrow. Everyone was there waiting for Ron. He stopped when the front door opened. Ron was not going to be happy with him for getting Ron thrown in Azkaban. Teddy stared as Ron entered into the room. Maybe he forgot it was Teddy's fault.

"Teddy," Ron said.

Or not.

"Teddy, Teddy, Teddy," Ron said calmly and then that was when the yelling started.

In the end Teddy spent the next week standing up and only sitting down when it was absolutely necessary.

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R&R


	4. Never Bought a Ring

**Hoesntly when I first started this story I didn't expect to update it this fast. I guess it is easier to write drabbles then a long story. Hmm...Anyway here is the next drabble.**

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**Title: **Never Bought a Ring **Rating: **K-K+ **Pairing: **Teddy/Victorie

"Victorie Weasley, you are the love of my life. Will you bring me joy in becoming my bride?" Teddy asked on one knee.

"Oh heck no! I don't even want the image of marrying you in my mind! Think of what are kids would look like!" George said in a high pitch voice,

Teddy let out an angry sign.

"Why is it every time I practice asking Victorie to marry me you always say no in cruel ways?" Teddy asked.

"I am just responding on how I think Victorie would respond." George replied.

Teddy counted to ten in his head.

"Alright we try this on more time." Teddy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. With his eyes closed he asked the question. "Victorie will you marry me?"

"Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!"

Teddy opened his eyes. "See George that was better and way to improve in your voice. It actually sounded like a girl."

"Um…Teddy," George said. "I didn't answer your question."

Teddy's eyes widen. He turned around and Victorie was standing in the doorway with a big grin on her face. Teddy looked at her and then turned back to George. He gave George a questioning look which George returned with a 'sorry bud. Your on your own' look. Teddy turned around back to Victorie and did the only thing he could think of.

"Victorie will you marry me?"

"I already said yes." She replied but ran over and hugged Teddy. Teddy hugged her back and then realized something. This something was going to be very hard to explain to Victorie.

For he never bought a ring.


	5. Never be Fulfilled

This one-shot is kind of sad. But it popped into my head as I was thinking about life and everything and it was begging to be written.

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**Title: **Never be Fulfilled **Rated **K

Teddy was swinging on a swing at the park near his house. Tomorrow he would be leaving for Hogwarts. He hasn't told anybody but he's scared. He doesn't know anyone who will be there for he doesn't have any friends who are wizards other then the little kids the Weasleys had and none of them are going to be at Hogwarts. Plus he got into a huge fight with his grandma and Harry. The fight was about who should take Teddy to Kings Cross. His grandma thought she had the right to be there on the first day and that Harry shouldn't be there and vice versa.

In reality Teddy didn't want to go to Kings Cross at all. It wasn't just that he didn't have any friends or that he thought he would fail in school. It was because he was afraid. Afraid of growing up. Teddy fears that the minute he walks into Hogwarts he will be treated different. No more piggy back rides or hidden ice cream treats with Harry when Ginny or his grandma weren't looking. No more watching movies sitting on Harry's lap. No more believing in Santa Claus. No more being able to play with toys or being able to make any wrong decisions because once he get to Hogwarts everything counts. His grades, his magic, everything.

Tears fall down Teddy's face as he realizes things won't be the same anymore. He is growing up and he will have to face the world soon. He has heard everyone talking about how fast their time at Hogwarts was and here he was dreading having to even go. He wishes he was back at five and six and people didn't care if he did anything wrong or anything. He wishes that he could just go back there and never grow up. But Teddy knows that will never happen.

Just like he knows that his parents will never be alive. And as much as he loves his grandma and Harry he wishes that all the memories he had growing up were with his real parents and not them. It is now that Teddy realizes that he is not afraid of not being accepted or not being good at magic. And being afraid is just part of the reason he is crying while he gently swings back in forth. He realizes that what he really wants is for his real parents to be the one waving to him as he leaves on the train. He wants his real parents to be the ones telling him it will be okay and that Hogwarts doesn't go by as fast as everyone thinks.

He wishes that they were telling him that it didn't matter what house he would be in or how good or bad his grades were or that it didn't matter if he got into much trouble. He wishes that instead of his grandma or Harry taking him to the station that it was his real parents. That they were all joking as they drive to the station and all singing off tune to whatever is on the radio. That his father was telling him how to get to the platform and when it is just about time to leave his real parents tell him that they love him so much.

But as Teddy swings there he knows it will never be. For his parents died fighting for the Wizarding World and as much as he wants to hate them for leaving him he can't. He can just swing here thinking of what ifs. Teddy doesn't notice when Harry walks over and picks him up. Nor does he know when he is being put into bed and finally falling asleep. All he knows is that the one thing he wants right now can never and will never be fulfilled.

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I do not own anything!

R&R


	6. Telling by a Kiss

**Merry late Christmas! Sorry for not updating sooner. I was visitng relatives and everything.**

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**Title: **Telling By a Kiss **Rated **K **Paring**: Suprise!

"Harry how did you tell Ginny you liked her?" A sixteen year old Teddy asked Harry.

"Well I entered the Gryffindor common room after a detention and everyone was celebrating winning the Qudditch cup and Ginny ran towards me. She hugged me and I kissed her." Harry replied.

"Un huh…well that's not going to work."

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"Hermione how did you tell Ron you liked him?" Teddy asked Hermione.

"Well we were fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and Ron made a comment and I ran and kissed him." Hermione replied.

"That is not going to work either."

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"Neville how did Hannah tell you she liked you?" Teddy asked Neville.

"Well I was wondering around Hogwarts after the battle. She came up to me and kissed me telling me that she liked me for a while and things went on from there."

"Does everyone tell the person they like that they like them by kissing them? I can't do that! Everyone would kill me! Besides it is not okay to tell someone you like them by kissing them! What if they don't like you? What if they hit you?" Teddy screamed. "Thanks a lot Neville!"

Neville stared at the boy confused. All he did was answer the question.

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Teddy walked back into the living room at the burrow. He stared at the Christmas tree. It was the annual Christmas party and everyone was here, including the girl he liked.

"Everyone it is time to open presents." Molly Weasley said.

Everyone walked into the room and sat in a circle. Molly handed out presents. First it was the annual sweater and then they went on to the secret Santa. It was too expensive to buy everyone who is not your close family a gift. Teddy picked Ron and got him a limited edition Qudditch book and an 'I'm Sorry' card. Ron still hadn't really forgiven Teddy for sending him to Azkaban when he was younger. Ron stated that after 100,000,000 sorrys on paper, he would forgive him. So far Teddy had written I'm sorry a lot.

What Teddy didn't know was that Ron had already forgiven him and was just waiting to see how long it was until Teddy gave up with the sorrys and the fact that there was a bet on it. But that is another story for later.

Molly handed Teddy his gift. It was a medium size box. He opened it up and was surprised to see a brown box. He opened the brown box and inside was a piece of paper. He frowned and took the paper out. He read the first line and saw that is was a letter from his father to his mother. He looked back at the box and saw other letters and then a scrapbook. He took the scrapbook out and flipped through it. There were pictures of him as a baby with his real parents and there were pictures of him now. He closed the book and looked up.

Teddy looked at Harry expecting him to be the one who gave it to him but Harry shook his head. So did all the other adults. He looked around and his eyes met hers. He knew in an instant that she was the one who gave it to him. Everyone went on with there own business and started talking. She came up to him.

"Hey Teddy did you like your present." She asked.

"It's wonderful." Teddy replied and then smiled. "Just like you."

Teddy turned toward her and kissed her on the lips. This got the parents attention especially Bill who was unsure on whether to be mad that Teddy' was kissing his daughter.

When Teddy and Victorie broke apart, Teddy looked at her in fright. He did not mean to kiss her but he calmed down when she smiled.

At the end of the day Teddy decided that telling a girl or anyone for that matter that you like them by kissing them just might be okay.

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**I thought this one-shot was cute. Anyway Read and Review! Until next time!**


	7. Long Lost Brother

**Don't hate me for this chapter. My sister and I were talking about what we think would happen if Teddy heard about Jacob Black from Twilight and it popped in my mind. I don't really care if your a Team Jacob, Team Edward, or Team Harry Potter (me). My sister and I just thought it would be funny. **

**I do not own anything.**

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**Title: **Long Lost Brother **Rating: **K

"I want to watch a movie about werewolves." Teddy said.

Hermione looked up and smiled. "I have the greatest movie for you to watch. It has werewolves and everything."

Ten minutes later Teddy and Hermione were on the couch watching New Moon and eating popcorn. George slipped in and sat next to Teddy and started eating Teddy's popcorn. When the movie finally ended Teddy stood up and sniffed his nose.

"Jacob loved Bella and she choice that thing over him!" He shouted.

"I know it is sooo sad." George said blowing his nose. "Everybody knows that Jacob Black, the love child of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, belongs to Bella. You have to be an idiot not to see that."

"BELLA BELONGS WITH EDWARD!" Ginny shouted from upstairs.

"NO HE DOESN'T" Harry shouted down. "SHE BELONGS WITH JACOB!"

Hermione, George, and Teddy were quiet for a moment when they heard Harry and Ginny. They heard fighting from the upstairs and figured they were debating with violence who was right. That was when Teddy remembered something that George said.

"Jacob Black is the love child of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin?"

George looked at Teddy. "Well yeah. His name is Jacob Black so he is related to Sirius and he is a werewolf so he must have gotten that trait from your father."

"Really…" Teddy looked thoughtful and the smiled.

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"So Teddy are you going to tell me why we are going to Forks, Washington?" Harry asked.

"Well I want to do some sighting seeing. You know see the wizards that live there."

"There are no wizards there."

"I just want to go there!" Teddy said.

"Alright…" Harry said as he apparated Teddy and himself there.

Teddy imediently started dragging Harry around town. Eventually they ended up on a beach.

"I can't believe this! I looked everywhere and I can't find Jacob Black!"

Harry frowned and opened his mouth when a voice went, "Yes?"

They turned around and Teddy got a huge grin on his face.

"Jacob Black!" Teddy screamed.

"Well actually my real name is Taylor Laut—" He started but Teddy cut him off.

"I finally found you! My long lost brother! Well actually half brother or is it step brother? Anyway we share the same father!"

"We do?" Taylor said frowning and looked at Harry.

Harry gave a sign and started to explain.

"…and Teddy just watched New Moon and thinks you are his brother because of a comment my friend made." Harry finished.

"Really," Taylor said.

"So Jacob," Teddy said excitedly ignoring everything Harry mentioned the last twenty minutes. "Do you want to hang out."

"Why not. I had nothing planned anyway."

"Yes!" Teddy shouted. "Come on Harry we need to think of something to do."

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Harry and Teddy were walking back into the Burrow. Teddy spent the whole afternoon with Taylor. When they were leaving Harry apologize to Taylor about Teddy but Taylor was cool about it and said he would keep in touch. Harry smiled when they reached the door. The smile soon turned into a sign as Teddy said.

"So if Jacob Black is my long lost half brother does that mean that Jack Black is my long lost Uncle?"


	8. Telling Teddy

Here is the next drabble! Hope everyone likes it!

I do not own anything!

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**Title: **Telling Teddy **Rated **K **Pairing **Harry/Ginny

A 7 almost to be 8 year old Teddy was sneaking down to the kitchen at Harry's house. It was ten o'clock and he was supposed to be in bed. Teddy though was really hungry and decided to get a snack. He was about to enter the kitchen when he heard voices on the other side of the door.

"Harry we need to tell Teddy." Ginny said. "He has to know. Think of how hurt he will be if he finds out from someone else."

"I don't know. It might make him feel that I don't love him that much. Or that I won't love him anymore when the whole thing is over." Harry said.

Teddy perked up. Why would Harry not love him? Teddy may have done some bad things but nothing bad enough for Harry to stop loving him.

"Harry if you don't tell him then I will."

"No Ginny, maybe we should wait a few months. You know until we are sure you will keep it."

"It has been three months already. I am sure that my body won't accidentally get rid of it."

"You can't be positive."

What were they talking about? Teddy thought. It can't possibly be about him could it?

"But you know there are those weird freak things and the next thing you know its dead."

"Don't say that!" Ginny said getting hysterical.

"Don't cry Ginny I didn't mean it. Those weird freak things won't happen to us."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Teddy, more confused then ever decided to barge in. Harry and Ginny looked shocked as he entered the room.

"What is going on? And what is with there weird freak things and not loving me anymore? How can you not love me? I am totally awesome!" Teddy said.

Harry looked at Ginny and then took a deep breath.

"Teddy, Ginny is going to have a baby."

Teddy froze to the spot and then a question popped in his head. He decided to ask it.

"Really? So when is the hippogriff going to come and bring the baby here?"


	9. The Hardest Question

**I would like to thank everyone who reviewed! YOu guys rock!**

**I do not own anything!**

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**Title: **The Hardest Question** Rating: **K

Teddy was sitting in a desk in the Great Hall. He was taking his first OWL test. It was for Transfiguration. He looked down at the first question.

_1. What would you transform a needle in to?_

_A. a rat_

_B. a tea cup_

_C. a match stick _

Teddy stared at the question and the picked C. His first ever lesson was turning a needle into a match stick….or was it turning a match stick into a needle? Who knew? Teddy didn't really pay attention to class anyway.

Teddy started going down the list. The test was easier then he thought it would be. He was in such a good mood and picking all the right answers that he didn't expect the next question. Teddy wondered how question 150 counted as a Transfiguration question. It had absolutely nothing to do with Transfiguration. The question was:

_150. What is McGonagall's first name?_

It was not multiple choice so Teddy couldn't just randomly pick one. No it had to be the only written question in the whole test. How was Teddy supposed to know this question? He barely even remembered what McGonagall's last name was. McGonagall is the headmaster of Hogwarts and Teddy only sees her during meals. How is he supposed to know her first name?

He stared at the paper and tried his hardest to think of a memory where someone said her first name. It was to no valid.

"Ten more minutes." The instructor shouted.

Teddy stared at the paper and thought for a moment more. Then a memory hit him.

**Teddy walked into the kitchen to hear the adults talking. **

"**Soon Teddy will be going to Hogwarts." Hermione said.**

"**Don't say that!" Harry said. "It is bad enough knowing that he is growing up. What happen to the two year old we all love and enjoyed? And think of the terror he will have on Hogwarts."**

"**Oh don't worry Minerva will be able to handle him. She handled the twins and now that she is headmaster I'm sure Teddy would never disrespect her."**

Teddy smiled and went to write down Minerva as the answer. Then one thought was on his mind.

How do you spell Minerva?


	10. Book

This is pretty much just Harry and Teddy talking to each other. I found it rather amusing myself and thought I should share it with you guys.

I do not own anything!

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**Title: **Book **Rating: **T

"Uncle Harry, can I talk to you about something?" A 16 year old Teddy asked.

"Sure." Harry replied. Harry was washing the dishes in the kitchen. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well you see there is this…book and I really like the book. But I want to know how far I should read this book. Should I only read a little bit or read the whole thing?" Teddy asked.

Harry stopped washing the dishes and turned to look at Teddy.

"Were not talking about an actual book are we?"

"No…"

"Figures," Harry said. "So do you really like like the book or just like it?"

"I like like it. I may even love the book."

"And does this book know about this like like feeling?"

"No."

"Do you think that the book should know about it? What if the book doesn't like you?"

"Don't say that. The book likes me. I was just wondering how much of the book I should read. It is a really good book."

Harry sign again and looked at Teddy.

"Personally Teddy I don't think you should read the whole books until you are totally committed to just that book. I don't want my godson becoming a boy who reads the whole book and then goes to another book when he is finished."

"I guess I can see your point. So you are saying that I shouldn't read the whole book until I am totally committed to it."

"Great now why don't you go wait in the living room. I think a movie you would like is on."

"Cool and one more thing."

"Yes Teddy?"

"When did you go all the way with your book?"


	11. Real Man

**This would have been updated on friday but for some reason my internet wasn't working and it just now came back. Sorry people for the long wait. My other stories will be updated hopefully sometime this week. **

* * *

Title: Real Man Rating : T

"Hey James why are you so nervous?" Teddy asked entering the living room. "You should be happy. Your turning the big 2 1 tomorrow."

"I know I am just nervous because Harry is taking me to a bar to take my first beer as a real man." James said.

"Oh," Teddy said smiling. "I remember my first time drinking as a man."

"How was it?" James asked.

"Well…"

**Flashback:**

"_You ready Teddy?" Harry asked._

"_Yep!" Teddy replied._

"_Alright give this boy the biggest thing you've got." Harry said the bar tender. _

"_Coming up."_

"_Excuse me Teddy I need to use the bathroom." Harry said. "Don't do anything stupid!"_

"_I won't."_

_A few minutes later…_

_Teddy was dancing on top of the bar with two young ladies next to him. Harry was somewhere else. Teddy was dancing wildly with the ladies and then he heard music playing in the background._

"_That's my favorite song!" Teddy said. "Sing it with me ladies."_

"_Where have all the good man gone and where are all the gods?" Teddy sang in a surprisingly good voice. "Where's the streetlight Hercules to fight the rising odds?"_

_Meanwhile Harry ran to the bathroom. The sign said occupied. Harry signed and waited until the person was done._

"_I need a Hero!" Teddy sang._

_The two ladies dancing next to him started getting into the song so had the other people in the bar. Everyone was dancing and some were singing along with Teddy. _

_Harry though was still waiting for the people in the bathroom to finish. Whoever thought of putting a one stall bathroom in a bar wasn't the brightest person in the world. Harry signed. What was the person doing in there?_

"_Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat its gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet!" Teddy sang._

"_I need a hero!" The whole bar yelled._

"_I'm holding out for a hero to the end of the night." Teddy sang all of the sudden the door to the bar slammed shut._

"_Teddy Remus Lupin! What are you doing?"  
_

_Teddy stopped singing; as did the rest of the bar. Teddy turned and looked to see his grandmother at the entrance to the bar._

"_Get off the bar right now!" She yelled._

_Teddy moved to go forward and fell off the bar. _

"_Explain yourself!"_

_At that moment Harry ran out of the bathroom._

"_Sorry for taking so long Teddy. I went in line and had to wait forever for this person to finish. When the person finally came out he wasn't alone and you do not want to know what they did in there and oh…"_

_Teddy pointed at Harry._

"_Harry James Potter!" Teddy's grandma yelled._

_Harry ran to the other side of the bar with Teddy's grandma at his heals. Teddy shrugged his shoulders and went back on the bar._

"_Sorry for the interruption girls. Oh look it is my second favorite song!" Teddy said and then started singing again. "I'm too sexy for my shirt!"_

**Flashback ends:**

"Wow that sounds wild." James said.

"It was." Teddy said smiling and then walked out of the room.

James made a mental note to have Harry either take him someplace nobody in his family knew about or not have James take the biggest thing the bar has.


	12. Song Mishap

Teddy was humming along to a song when Harry walked in. Harry gave Teddy a strange look for he didn't recognize the song at first.

"Teddy," Harry said. "What are you humming?"

"Oh," Teddy said looking at Harry. "My favorite song by Enya."

Harry waited for Teddy to continue. When he didn't Harry asked, "And the song is?"

"Oh Orinoco Flow." Teddy said. "My favorite part is when she goes 'save a whale, save a whale, save a whale."

"Oh," Harry said with a smile. He recognized the song now. But then something struck him/.

"Teddy what do you mean with this 'save a whale' thing?"

"Well that is what she sings." Teddy answered at Harry. He was looking at Harry like Harry was crazy.

"Teddy, she is singing 'sail away'."

Teddy stopped humming and looked at Harry horrorstruck.

"No!" Teddy shouted. "Every time I have heard this song she says save a whale! Don't you ruin it for me!"

A day later Harry walked into the living room to see Teddy crying.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked.

"You monster!" Teddy shouted.

Harry was slightly taken back. What did he do?

"You ruined the song! Now all I hear is sail away!"

It took Harry a moment to realize what Teddy was talking about. Harry muttered something about being sorry and then ran out of the room. Defeating the Dark Lord was one thing, but having to stand up to an angry five year old, well that is like hell on earth.


	13. Not A Nice Word

So so sorry for the late update. I had my finals to study for and a lot has been going on with my life. Hopefully with summer here I will be able to update more often. Anyway here is the next update. Enjoy!

* * *

**Title: **Not A Nice Word **Rating: **K **Pairings: **Ron/Hermione; Harry/Ginny

Teddy signed. He was bored out of his mind. There was nothing cool on TV and Harry wouldn't be home until later that day because of work. Teddy signed one more time before walking into the kitchen to see what his aunt was doing. Hopefully it was something entertaining. Teddy walked into the kitchen to see his aunt freaking out.

"What's up?" Teddy said casually.

His aunt immediately stopped freaking out and looked straight at Teddy.

"What did you do?" she asked.

Teddy opened his mouth. He was aghast! Why would she think he did something?

"I didn't do anything!" Teddy said defending himself. "Why is it that when I walk in and casually ask what's up you automatically assume that I did something wrong?"

"Because," she said. "You usually have done something wrong and you casually walk in here and start talking to me to hide that you have done something."

"Yeah right! Name one time!" Teddy said.

"Well there was that time on Harry's birthday where you accidentally pushed Harry's cake off of the counter in the Weasley's kitchen when no one was around. You just walked into the living room and casually started talking to Hermione and Ron when Mrs. Weasley suddenly started screaming. Keep in mind that Mrs. Weasley spent a long time making that cake." Teddy's aunt said. Teddy opened his mouth to speak but she continued. "Then there was last Christmas when you set the Christmas tree on fire and decided not to tell anyone and you casually walked into the kitchen and started a casual talk with Mr. Weasley. All awhile the living room was burning down."

"You have no proof that I did any of that!" Teddy shouted.

"What do you want Teddy?"

"I'm bored!"

"Why don't you go make something?"

"Like what?" Teddy asked.

"Make desert. I'm going to take a shower before Harry, Hermione, and Ron come over. And Teddy please try to do anything stupid."

Teddy was appalled. Why did everyone think he was horrible child and caused problems? Sure the birthday cake and the Christmas tree was his fault and ruining Ron's favorite sweater was his fault too. Oh and there was the whole loosing Ginny's wedding ring when she left it with him while she went to clean up some nasty gutters but could they really blame him?

Teddy signed and shook his head. He was wondering what he could make for desert that wasn't dangerous, toxic, or poisoning in anyway. His face lightened up when he got an idea.

**An Hour Later**

"Dinner was great Andromeda," Harry said.

"Really good," Hermione put in.

Ron didn't even try to speak as he stuffed his mouth with another forkful of the meal Andromeda had made for them. Teddy, who was jumping up and down on his chair, looked excited as he was about to tell them the great news.

"Guys!" he shouted. "I got to make desert!"

Hermione who was taking a sip of water spit it out over Harry who was unfortunately sitting next to her. Ron started choking on the food he had just stuffed him his mouth. Harry, who had mixed emotions on whether to me mad that Hermione spitted on him or horrified that Andromeda had let Teddy cook, was looking around for a napkin. Ginny seemed to be the only person unaffected by this news.

"Oh come on it isn't that bad," Teddy said shaking his head at their reactions. "I'll go bring it out."

Teddy came out with 6 bowls. The bowls contained chocolate ice cream with Oreos and Strawberry syrup on it.

"I call this creation Mudblood."

At the moment the words came out of Teddy's mouth everybody seemed to be panic and outraged. Ron was yelling at Harry. Something around the lines of 'I knew that letting Teddy hang out with Malfoy was a bad idea! I told you that ferret would never change! Now look what happened! He has been teaching Teddy his ways!' This was strange for Teddy because Draco had never ever used that word. Teddy just got the inspiration from a school snack he had at his muggle school that Harry forced him to go to.

"Guys," Teddy said. "Draco didn't tell me that word."

"Oh then who did then?" Ron asked.

"Nobody did. I created it. You see the chocolate ice cream and the Oreos is like mud and the strawberry syrup is like blood. So it is like the mud is bleeding so I named it Mudblood," Teddy exclaimed.

"Yes, well, Teddy I don't want you to say that word again," Harry said.

"Why not?" Teddy asked.

"Because it isn't a nice word," Harry said.

"Why isn't it a nice word?" Teddy asked.

"It is a mean word that some Purebloods call muggleborns," Hermione said.

"Oh," Teddy said and then had a small frown on his face. "Harry,"

"Yes?"

"Your fly is undone."


	14. A Weird Fight

This one-shot was written from a fight that my sister and I had recently. We have some really weird fights. I'm just ending it at that.

I don't own anything.

* * *

**Title**: A Weird Fight** Parings**: Harry/Ginny; Ron/Hermione **Rated: **T

Teddy walked into the kitchen of Harry's house to hear the following conversation being held.

"You seriously are going to end your friendship because of something stupid like this?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron.

"This isn't stupid!" Harry shouted. "Ron needs to accept that I'm correct and that he is wrong." Harry turned to Ron. "Richard!"

"Dick!" Ron yelled back. Teddy frowned. Why would Ron call Harry a dick?

"Oh for the love of—" Ginny said. "Will you two stop fighting?"

"No," Ron said. "Not until Harry admits that I am correct. His name is Dick."

Teddy dropped the frown when he realized that Ron was talking about a person. A small blush formed on his cheeks at his mistake. Nobody noticed it though.

"What is going on?" Teddy asked.

"Well Harry and Ron have gotten into a fight because Ron says that Dick is the name of the original Robin in Batman and Harry says that it is Richard. Personally I don't care what Robin's real name is because it is a show. I knew letting Harry and Ron go on a vacation with Harry's cousin was a bad idea."

"Technically aren't they both right?" Teddy said.

Harry and Ron stopped fighting.

"What are you talking about Teddy?" Harry asked. "I know for a fact that I'm right and that Ron is wrong."

"The first Robin's name is Richard Grayson. But throughout the show he was called Dick because Dick is a shorter way of saying Richard. I don't know why though. Richard doesn't have Dick in it. I would have thought Richy or Rich or even Gray would be his nickname. I'm not sure why anyone would want to be called Dick. I mean you're called Dick. People might take it the wrong way. It's a good thing I was named Teddy."

"Wait a minute," Harry said. "Are you saying that Robin's real first name is Richard?"

"Real first name?" Teddy questioned to himself. "Yes it is. I don't see why you're fighting about this though—"

"I was correct!" Harry shouted. "I told you his real name was Richard! Dick is a nickname! Look who owes someone an apology and 50 galleons."

Ron mumbled to himself about how he was really right and how Harry could go suck it. Harry was having a party by himself and Teddy, Hermione, and Ginny looked onward in boredom.

"Hey Teddy," Ginny said. "Let's go get some ice cream while Harry parties and Ron sulks."

"Okay," Teddy said. As Teddy exited the doorway Harry made a comment.

"Best party ever! Whoo!" Harry shouted as he shot confetti out of his wand.


	15. I Have To Go Pee

I really don't have an explanation for this except it reminds me of one of my math teachers whose lecture was something like Nevilles. Anyway enjoy!

* * *

**Title: **I Have To Go Pee **Rating: **K

Teddy was sitting in the middle of Herbology. Professor Longbottom or Neville as Teddy knew him as, was going on about Mandrakes and how they are important. Teddy zoned out till a week earlier when Neville gave out the rules for his classroom.

**Flashback:**

"_In my class," Neville said. "I expect you students to be respectful to each other. I do not want any silly house rivalry going on in my classroom. If I do see a student picking on someone that isn't in their house then I will assign seats to alternate the houses in that class. I do not tolerate bullying of any kind. Nor do I tolerate pranks." Neville said the last bit looking straight at Teddy. Teddy scratched the back of his head and looked anywhere but at Neville._

"_Now my last rule is simple. No one is allowed to stand up in the middle of a lecture and say 'I have to go pee.' No one needs to know that and please wait till I am done with my lecture. You should have gone before class," Neville finished and went on to his first lesson._

**Flashback Ends:**

So here Teddy was sitting in the classroom bored out of his mind. All of the sudden he got an urge. He clutched his legs together and tried thinking of things but they all reminded him of one thing. Suddenly Teddy stood up in the middle of Neville's lecture.

"I have to go pee!"


	16. Questions From A Godson

**Title: Questions From a Godson **

** Rated k **

**Pairings: Slight Harry/Ginny and Teddy/Victoria**

* * *

"Harry," a fifteen year old Teddy said. "When did you realize what you wanted to be?"

Harry looked up from the Daily Prophet and looked at his godson.

"Well," Harry said. "To tell you the truth I never really thought about it. I was mainly focused on Voldemort. In fifth year though, I did get the idea to become an Auror. I just never really put any effort into it because I was busy with Voldemort and the oncoming war."

"Oh," Teddy said playing with his hands.

"Don't worry about it Teddy. You don't have to decide what you want to be now."

"Okay," Teddy replied a smile find away on his face. He turned his hair black and spiky. "Now if you excuse me I have to go see Victoria. She's in her bad boy stage. Do you think this will work?" Teddy pointed towards his shirt that said blood, guts, money. "I even got a fake lip ring, but she doesn't need to know it's fake."

Harry laughed as Teddy made his way out of the study.

***o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o***

"Harry, how do you know when you're in love? Not like the 'OMG I so love my boyfriend. Were gonna be together forever!' girls are like after two days of dating. The 'you're the one, the one I want to be with forever', love. How do you know what that feels like?" a twenty year old Teddy asked Harry in his office at work.

"Teddy, I think this is a better question to ask Ginny," Harry replied not looking up from his work. He was busy trying to find a new wizard who was sneaking into muggle houses and leaving magical teapots and bowls in the house. The case seemed simple enough but the teapots and bowls turned murderous and Harry needed to find the wizard quickly and it didn't help that his godson was bothering him.

"But she's a girl and I don't want to ask her because she'll tell everyone and I don't even know if its love yet or just some infatuation that has lasted my whole life. How did you know Ginny was the one?"

"I just knew," Harry said looking up from the paper. "I had this feeling that I never felt towards Cho or any other girl that caught my eye. You just know."

"That's it," Teddy said. "You just know? You sir are no help. I should have gone to Neville. At least he's dated more people then you."

With that Teddy stalked out of the office while Harry stared at his retreating figure open mouthed.

***o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o***

"Harry," a twenty five year old Teddy said. He had walked into Harry's office. Harry was looking down at a case file. "So you know how Victoria and I got married a while ago."

"Yes?" Harry said looking up from his papers. He wasn't sure where this was going but he knew it probably wasn't going to be good.

"Well…um…how you do oh…okay I'm just going to say it," Teddy said taking a deep breath.

Harry waited for Teddy to spit it out.

"Well Victoria has been trying all these new dresses and she always wants to show them off to me and I say yes of course but then I regret it because in the end it always makes her mad at me. I don't know what to do!" Teddy rambled. "Harry, tell me," Teddy said begging on his knees. "What is the correct way to respond to 'Does this dress make me look fat?'"

Harry stared at Teddy dumbfounded.

***o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o***

"Harry," Teddy said interrupting yet another day of work for Harry. Just yesterday Teddy was just in the office the other day to ask how to respond to 'Does this dress make me look fat. "So I went to Neville yesterday after you gave me no response. He told me to tell her that I don't care how she looks and if she because fat that I'll always love her. But then Harry I noticed something. She is getting fat. Not that that is bad, but I don't think its fat."

Harry stared at Teddy. "If it's not fat then what is it?"

"I think she's pregnant Harry. I lived with you and Ginny while she was pregnant I think I know how the stomach looks once it begins. But how do I bring this question up with Victoria?"

"Just plainly ask her if she's pregnant." Harry replied.

"What are you stupid? No!" Teddy replied. "Did you do that to Ginny? Asking her would be telling her that 'hey you're starting too looked fattish. Are you pregnant?' What if she's not? Then I'm the number one jerk in the world. I don't even know why I came here. Neville would have answered me better."

"They why didn't you go ask Neville?" Harry asked.

"Because you're my Godfather and you're suppose to know these things. I'm sure Sirius knew and even if he didn't he would have made up an answer that would work. Ugh. Read some nonfiction books about life Harry. Next time I expect you to actually answer my question right.

Teddy stalked out of the office in a hurry. Harry groaned. Teddy really needed to stop trying to be so dramatic.

* * *

**I don't own anything.**

**R&R**


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